Beer!

And salmon, mmmm, greasy fish. Apparently fish is full of mercury. Right now there's a cod sucking on a thermometer just in spite of you.

Pizza!!!

Ingredients: Tomato Paste, Large Pizza Base, Olives, Pepperoni, Mozzarella Cheese, Sun Dried Tomatoes in Oil, Chilli powder, Wife.

Serves 6 Europeans, two New Zealanders, or one North American. Canadians are contraindicated, and should not attempt to consume this pizza.

Preheat the oven to 220C or 430F.

Evenly spread tomato paste, and add a thin layer of mozzarella. Dice and add the pepperoni, and the sun dried tomatoes.

Sprinkle a fine layer of chilli powder to taste.

Put as many olives on as you like, but not too many. Unless you're a masochist, in which case I would also drink the preservative they're kept in.

Add another layer of cheese and fan bake for 8 minutes. Finish by grilling until brown.

Place on a fresh, confused wife and serve.

Procrastination

What can I say, I've been naughty. I called it the daily fridge, and I've let you down. Today I'll give you two photos, yes that's TWO photos! Before AND after shopping.

I panicked today, when I heard Shane Warne would be co-hosting Top Gear with Jeremy Clarkson. I just found out it was only on the awful Australian version. Top Gear is gods gift to man, long live Top Gear.

I've been helping my best friend with his car recently, he seems to have a fountain of everlasting motivation. I found procrastinating my job on his car helped me work on the statistics assignment I had been procrastinating (from?). There's a top tip, If you don't want to do something, find something you want to do less, and commit yourself to it. You can then guiltily enjoy doing the task you were previously avoiding. That might catch up to you though. Honestly Nicholas, love helping you with the car, but as you understand window removal is bloody awful.

Is it childish to still have a best friend? The guy's never let me down, you don't find that nowadays.

Also, I don't have a cellphone, and you know what? It's fantastic. People get frustrated, and actually meet you in person. Plus you don't have to respond to text messages, nobody furiously asks you, why is your phone always off? And it's really hard for people to cancel on you, they can't get in contact, so they can't just not show up.

Fast contact is a bit like fast food, convenient but ultimately less satisfying.

Oh and blog writing is so much easier when you've got a statistics assignment...

Pasta use by date.

Yeah, I'll throw it out at some point...

If I were a rich man...

If I were a rich man,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.
If I were a wealthy man.
I wouldn't have to blog hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
If I were a biddy biddy rich,
Yidle-diddle-didle-didle man.

So it's a cheap post, I can't always be brilliant. Oh, and get some decent coffee, not that instant mud you're drinking. There's a link at the bottom that'll make it cheaper. Get it delivered to your work, and all your work mates will think you're mysterious. Then when they find out it's gourmet coffee they'll all want to sniff it.

This will give you power you've always wanted, kind of like bus drivers who refuse to change a $5 bill. Secretly, your friends will think you're more sophisticated and make excuses to come to your place. Getting some art and a nice coffee table would probably be a good way to extend the delusion.

Plus I get a commission, but really, It's all for you.

Watermelon, it's a berry.

There's something about the olives that have lost their filling that seems wrong. Last nights pizza was epic, which is why it isn't in the fridge.

Botanically speaking, Watermelon is a berry that's just big because of genetics. It isn't its fault, it's not like it's lazy and just sat in the soil munching nitrogen and sunbathing. Teasing it isn't going to help.

A square watermelon in Japan will set you back about $80(US). I think they just look cool cut in half. Does anyone remember what level Pacman gets to eat a watermelon? I remember feeling awesome, and superior to mere cherry eating players.

FOOD!! Nom nom nom...

I suppose the government decided I should eat after all. I was hunting with friends for food, but the rabbits had decided they didn't want to be shot. I'd still like to know what BBQ'd rabbit tastes like. Apparently they make good mince.

I'm going to get in trouble for buying apples again, I never eat them, but they seem like such a sensible purchase. Mmmm, I'm going to make pizza tonight. I got one of those mozzarella things that looks like a ducky.

Oh, wait. She who throws things is making goat curry. Ducky pizza will have to wait.

Ciao!

Fresh milk, yay.

Got milk? Is an overused parody, and will not feature in this blog.

Any suggestions on what to do with half a cabbage?

Black coffee and scones...

When New Zealanders are facing starvation, scones are always a hot favourite. Sitting somewhere on the culinary pyramid between a city pidgeon and a cactus milkshake, scones are at least edible for the first hour after they have been baked. Don't let the rustic charm of these horrid things fool you, they're the devils food.

Go on, waste your flour, I dare you. I added half a cup of diced cheap cheese, and half a stale onion.

And I'm out of milk again...

Ahh, Fresh Milk.

I know what you're thinking. Where's the pidgeon? If I superman dived on the thing, I would have caught it. But cooking it would have been far too technical.

Last nights fish curry made a short appearance, but failed to make the photo shoot. My wife is a fantastic cook when she's not throwing things at me. A half onion sits hopefully, I'd say a 65% chance of being used. I'll keep you posted.

I'd like to invite any readers to make meal suggestions on what I have left, I could use the help.

Condiment: Food that isn't.

Ever notice how fridges get intelligent? By the end of the week, they know exactly what you don't want to eat.

Why did I buy so many condiments? I suppose I could eat the olives, or the cheese [in the butter warmer]. I'm definitely not eating the cabbage, too technical, and it's going brown. There's no mayo, so I can't make coleslaw.

Sigh.